Bleeding Heart
by anek
Summary: After kyoto saga, Megumi realizes she would never be the one for her dear Ken-san...


A/N: Okay, just a little angsty fic I just had to write. I'm in a gloomy mood, so this is what I came up with. Anyway, it's just some useless ramblings, if you wanna read, then go ahead.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own RK. Big deal.  
  
  
  
:::::Bleeding Heart:::::  
  
I'm beautiful.  
  
I'm smart.  
  
And I lost.  
  
Lost to an unfashionable raccoon girl.  
  
When I learned that you had left for Kyoto, I cried. It hurts to know that I might never see you again. But what hurt the most was. you didn't even say goodbye to me.  
  
But you did.  
  
To her.  
  
"You'll never understand, Megumi!" I remember Kaoru crying when you left for Kyoto.  
  
"You'll never understand how it felt like to hear Kenshin say goodbye and then watch him walk away!"  
  
I felt like slapping her. I felt like crying again. But I won't cry. not in front of her. I knew then that I lost.  
  
"That's true. But I can say the same thing. You'll never understand what it felt like not to even get so much as a farewell."  
  
I know I was the one who pushed Kaoru back on her feet and made her follow you to Kyoto. Why I did it? Until now, I still laugh at my self for being foolish. I could have let the missy waste away like that and follow you myself. Maybe then. maybe then, I may have had a chance. If I had met you first, before you met Kaoru, I wonder if I would be in Kaoru's place now.  
  
But who am I kidding? I guess some people are just meant to be winners. And some are meant to be. losers.  
  
The day I received a letter from Kaoru, telling me about your battle with the man called Sishio, I rushed to Kyoto. You were so badly injured that you stayed unconscious for days. I've never been so worried in my whole life. Your body. you were in the brink of death. But why did you survive? What kept you going? What brought you back to us?  
  
Kaoru.  
  
The will to live.  
  
The will to keep your promise to Kaoru.  
  
It's time for me to step down and accept the truth.  
  
"It looks like the wound on your back seems to be healing quite nicely."  
  
My hands trembled as I peeled off the bandage from your back. You were sitting cross-legged on the futon, your red hair pulled over to the side. I would never know what it would be like to run my fingers through your hair, would I?  
  
"But just to be on the safe side, I'm going to change the bandages," I heard myself say.  
  
You just gave me a sideways smile, the smile that always melts my heart and makes me want to throw my self to you. But I have no right.  
  
"I'm in your debt," you say.  
  
Yes, you're in my debt, and I'd like you to repay me with your love.  
  
I laughed silently at the thought.  
  
Love.  
  
If only love could be that simple. Something you give freely, and something you get so easily.  
  
"Forget it. It's a doctor's job."  
  
I worked silently on the wound on your back, giving you the 'tender loving care' I've always joked about. Everyone thinks that's all it is. a joke, and I'm nothing but a flirty fox woman.  
  
But don't they know?  
  
Foxes are bad jokers.  
  
Every love I feel inside, I hide in suggestive comments that always make you go 'oro', that makes Kaoru fly off the roof, and makes Sano think I'm scary. But they never thought I was serious.  
  
They don't know. Foxes are always serious, though you can never tell by the way they bounce around always seeming to be in a merry goose chase.  
  
But now, I'm tired of chasing you.  
  
Because I know, I will never catch you.  
  
I had finished cleaning the wound, and had put on a clean bandage over it. My vision was beginning to blur. I tried stopping the tears, I really did, but they flowed out defiantly.  
  
It's better to lose you to someone else. than to lose you forever.  
  
"But if you ever get hurt this badly ever again, don't expect the same treatment from me," I spoke in a quivering voice. It's no use. I can't stop crying anymore.  
  
"I'll be careful," you said in that kind voice of yours.  
  
Ken-san.  
  
I hid a sad smile amidst the flowing tears.  
  
You go around breaking hearts like mine without even knowing it. How could anyone be as perfect as you? The invincible Battousai, the kawaii rurouni, the incredibly handsome Kenshin, not to mention painfully polite, frighteningly clever, that and more, all rolled into one man.  
  
And how I wish you were mine.  
  
But some wishes just couldn't be granted, could they?  
  
I closed the gap between us, and laid my forehead on your back.  
  
"M-Megumi-dono?" I heard your surprised whisper.  
  
Please. please don't pull away.  
  
You suddenly stiffened.  
  
That was when I realized I've been crying more than I thought I was. My tears flowed onto your back and probably seeped through the bandage.  
  
"Gomen-ne," I apologized. Even as a doctor, I'm still a failure, ne?  
  
"It's not that, Megumi-dono."  
  
You turned around and looked at me with those kind violet eyes.  
  
"I do not want to see you cry, Megumi-dono, that I don't" you said with deep concern on your voice.  
  
But I only cried harder.  
  
Please. stop being so kind. I'd just fall even deeper. And it would hurt even more.  
  
I nodded silently, not trusting my own voice to speak. Through my hazy vision, I watched you sitting there in front of me, your brows knitted together in concern. I know you want to comfort me, like you want to comfort everyone else. You don't like seeing people around you in pain.  
  
To protect people.  
  
That is the rule you live by.  
  
But who will protect me from you, Ken-san?  
  
You've gone and stole my heart away, but you wouldn't even let me take a glimpse at yours.  
  
My gaze dropped to your lips. I wonder how your kiss would feel like? Would you let me find out?  
  
With courage I never knew I possessed, I closed the gap between us and settled my lips on yours.  
  
But you didn't kiss me back. I pulled back. Your eyes were wide with surprise.  
  
Have I really shocked you that much?  
  
You are not dense, Ken-san.  
  
I know, somewhere along the way, you must have caught up with my feelings for you. For you, I will bend my pride, even my soul.  
  
But you don't take advantage of people.  
  
You never do.  
  
"Megumi-dono."  
  
"Ken-san.," I whispered. I could see my tears flowing freely to my lap.  
  
"Sessha--"  
  
Please, for once, stop being so polite.  
  
But before you say anything, I have something to say.  
  
"Ashiteru, Ken-san."  
  
The words just flowed out freely before I could stop them.  
  
"Sessha doesn't deserve-"  
  
"You don't have to say anything, Ken-san. I know where I stand."  
  
You fell silent.  
  
I know you want to say something that would make me feel better. but you would never lie.  
  
I don't want you to lie.  
  
"Someday, Megumi-dono, you will find someone else who deserves your love more than I do."  
  
I knew you would say something like that.  
  
But maybe so.  
  
Yes, maybe someday, I will find happiness in someone else.  
  
But for now.  
  
This doctor can't to cure her own bleeding heart.  
  
  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
A/n: gah. like I said, just some useless ramblings. Please review. Written on finals week. I guess that says something about my mood, ne? ~~ ja! ~~spawnie-chan 


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